If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
he thought i was a dude.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
