I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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