I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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