My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
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