It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
