Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
