As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
You can't just leave with hair like that
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
