I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
