Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
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Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
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I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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