I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Randomize
