Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Actions speak louder than pants.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
