how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
