If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
