isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
