have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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