I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
