my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
