He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
