He had one of those small greek statue penises
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
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Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
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So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
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