how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
