dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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