I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
