you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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