I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I need to sanitize my soul.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
