somebody snuck up and got me drunk
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
