he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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