I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
