Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
