I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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