I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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