They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
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i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
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I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed