I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"