Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
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you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
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How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again