I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
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