just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Randomize
