If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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