This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
