So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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