More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
