Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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