Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
