I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
do herpes really smell.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
