If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
