I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Shame - the story of my life.
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