I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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