Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
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I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
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You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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