All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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