Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
