Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
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