her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
