Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
