my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
sarcasm needs its own font
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
