All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
