I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I wear drunk well.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
