How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Randomize
