And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Randomize
