I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
