sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
