That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I'm at about main and main street
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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