I wannas sexs uuuuu
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
