I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Farmville is her only friend.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
