It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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