Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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