I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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