I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
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