i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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