there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
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