No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
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When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
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Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
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