is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Randomize
