my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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