It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
